HU

Sikertörténetek

"Képzeld, váratlan és meglepő dolog történt ma:)

 

A problémás kolléga ismételten nem végezte el a feladatát. Ma a számonkérés helyett más úton próbálkoztam. Mivel boltvezetői pozíciót tölt be, felhívtam és rákérdeztem, reális -e hogy nem látom az adatokat a rendszerben? (ezt a megfigyelést te tetted az előadáson, gondoltam kipróbálom)

 

Először kifogásokkal jött, hebegett-habogott, belezavarodott a saját kifogásaiba. (a késlekedés már 5 napos!)

 

Ezután nyíltan megkérdeztem tőle mi a pontos oka annak hogy nem sikerült elvégeznie a feladatát. Esetleg segíthetek -e valamiben hogy megkönnyítsem a dolgát?

Azt is hozzátettem hogy miért olyan fontos hogy ezt elvégezze, mik az előnyei céges szinten ha ez megtörténik. Vagyis apró, de nagyon fontos feladat.

 

Kis hallgatás után kifakadt, és elmesélte hogy mi nyomja a szívét, nem a mi vagy az én munkámat akarja szabotálni és sajnálja hogy ez történt, de túl nagy a felelősség rajta és egyszerűen nem bírja csinálni....stb.

 

Felajánlottam neki hogy ha összefoglalja nyugodt fejjel, higgadtan a problémáit és megbeszéljük ezek mennyire reálisak, nagyon szivesen kiállok mellette, mert látom hogy ez így tényleg nem működik és mondjuk el a főnöknek. Megkértem hogy próbáljon vmi megoldáson gondolkodni ami segíthet ezen a problémán.

(én nem vagyok  a közvetlen főnöke, de mint központi termékmenedzser az én feladatom tájékoztatni, áruval ellátni, ellenőrizni és számonkérni az adminisztrációs és értékesítési jellegű dolgokat az üzletvezetőktől-vagyis nekem tartoznak számadással minden értékesítéssel kapcsolatos dologban)

 

Megköszönte és megígérte hogy jobban oda fog figyelni arra amit kérek tőle és ismét elnézést kért.

Hmmm...most itt tartunk, remélem komolyan gondolta és tapasztalni fogom.

 

Kíváncsian várom:)"

Kovács Mariann

 

 


 "My name is Irina. I am 34. I am divorced. I have a son Luka, he is 7 years old.

 

We have quite close relationships; however he doesn’t like to talk about his life and his feelings. I think, this is also because we are living separately from his father. He has quite good connection both to his father and me, but I feel he has some hidden thoughts, which he can not say so easily to both of the parents.

 

Situation, which I am going to describe here has happened after my first 3 day training of NVC with Eva Rambala.

 

Situation:

My kid has a day off at school, but it should be a creative master class at 12.00 there.

 

11am -  I am working at the computer at home. Luka is drawing.

Me:       Luka, do you remember about that master class today at school?

Luka:    Yes

Me:       Are you going to go there?

Luka:    Yes..

Me:       Ok. You have 5 minutes to finish your drawing and to go to wash your face

 

11.05

Me:        Luka, please, finish drawing and go to wash your face.

Luka:     Mom…I feel like I don’t really want to go there…

 

I feel that my tension is growing rapidly. I feel concerned and disappointed mostly because 5 min ago he told me he is going to go there and now he feels like not. (OMG!!)

But I’ve just finished my NVC training and I am trying my best.

 

11.20

Me:       Luka, are you sad?

Luka:    I am very sad. And I don’t even know why…

Me:      Ok. Clear…if we still want to go to that master class, we need to get dressed right now

Luka:     I don’t want to go anywhere…

Me: (trying to be as friendly as possible) What happened, dear? Your friends will be there and you will be doing some interesting things.

Luka:     I just don’t want to go anywhere…and, by the way, you did not ask me, if I want to go or not

Me: (after couple of sugar-sweet attempts..)  Ok. You can not go anywhere, if you don’t want. Just know, that I will be acting the same way, as you do. (the last phrase is probably not NVC approved…this is just the way I usually say…sorry…I am describing a real situation…and it is not perfect)

 

I left the room with a very sad face. After 20 minutes he looked into my room.

 

Me: Luka, I want to discuss this situation with you.

He: ok

Me: What did you feel? Were you sad and lonely?

He: Yes, I was very sad and angry!

Me: And how do you think, what was I feeling?

He: You were feeling the same…you were also sad and angry, as you wanted me to go to the master class and I did not want to go…you know, I was feeling really sad, as you did not ask me, whether I want to go there or not.

Me: Were you feeling sad, as freedom is important to you and you would like to decide for your own?

 

He: (very emotionally, with a feeling of being understood) yes! It is extremely important for me! As very often I feel that other people decide everything for me and I am probably the most stupid of our family, as I am not able to decide for my own.

Me: ok. I see what you mean!...you know, it is very important for me, that you told me that. I will try to give you a chance to decide for yourself whenever it will be possible.

 

Luka: …and now should I understand you? (a bit overwhelmed…like: oh, are we gonna have a long chat now?)

Me: well…yeah…however, I have a feeling you already understood me and I am very happy because of that))

 

We made up! I was feeling a huge relief. Usually in such kind of situations I have a feeling that it is not fully finished yet…there is still something untold…some stones in the bosom left… I did not have such a feeling then. I had a great feeling of mutual respect and real contact with my son.

 

I must admit that after this situation we started to talk more about feelings. Before he was telling very little about his situations at school and other life. After that he told me quite a lot about his stories in the past. He enjoyed empathic non-judgmental listening so much, so he could talk and talk for quite a long time. Sometimes he was asking: could you, please, listen to me little more…I had am impression that he had a breath of fresh air))

 

I am really happy about it. I am so grateful NVC is now part of my life!!

Thank you very much, dear Eva! "

 

I.T.